Life is too short to hold grudges. And life too meaningful to trust those that are not trustworthy.
I have been thinking a lot about this tension. For whatever reason this summer I have been more mindful of the network of relationships that life tosses at us, especially when you live in your hometown. The network is large and sometimes there are some bad connections in that network.
People and times and seasons where things did not work well. Tensions flared. People got hurt. People walked away. People hurt you with violent words or they inflicted violence by their lack of words and lack of engagement.
But because we all live our lives the best we can (thanks Brene Brown for this reality check) and because our paths will all cross again, I am choosing to not hold onto to the low-level frustration I am tempted to hold onto from time to time. It is simply not worth it.
AND it is also not worth trusting again those that have hurt and treated you poorly. Let’s face it – from time to time we encounter evil people in our lives (I have only met a few people that seem evil) – but most of the hurts I can remember come from people who acted foolishly or cowardly in the moment. I don’t think they are bad people, just people that are growing and moving forward, hopefully just like we all are.
With that being said, I am not going to put myself back in a position to trust those that have proved in the past to not be trustworthy.
You might say, “Kevin, you sound so harsh and mean.”
That is not my heart. To trust those that have hurt us, kicked us, abandoned us in the name being nice is not wise. Please hear me, I am not talking about the situations where people have returned and said I am sorry and asked for forgiveness. In those situations, you forgive, you mend, and you move forward in a new season of that relationship.
I am instead talking about the people that never acknowledge they wronged you- sometimes not for sure the even know they have wronged you sometimes. I am talking about the situations where people have hurt in intentional and unintentional ways. In short, people that have broken trust in some form or fashion and keep doing it or not aware of it, even after you have said something.
This is all messy and each situation is different.
The point is this:
Holding grudges, or in other words holding on to unforgiveness is not good for any of us.
But simply trusting all of those that have hurt you is not wise.
You don’t have to trust everyone.
Love everyone – yes.
But trust all people – no.
Life is too short to hold grudgesAnd life too meaningful to trust those that are not trustworthy.