No matter where you are called to be
you must start from where you are at.
Another day coming to a close and another blog that will go unpublished. I have a full blog staring at me – almost a 1000 words – that I crafted earlier today. I do not lack words. I have plenty, maybe too many at times. These words come from ideas, and thoughts I have, and some days I can not get them out of my head in a way that is helpful for me or for others – this was the case today.
But I am choosing to start from where I am. I know that having this desire to write and find expression for my thoughts is the way in which I am shaped and made and even called. I love ideas and thoughts and I love strategically organizing them into paragraphs and papers. Writing is a way that helps me to organize the clutter and chaos that is in my head and heart.
It is cathartic. It is good for me. (I am also hopeful it is good for others from time to time)
Sometimes, I wish I was in a different place. I mean I feel like as I look at being 40 years old, I know the next steps of my life and what is important to pour myself into, and what I need to let go of. But there are times that I just don’t ‘feel’ right, and I feel l like I don’t have it all together. And sometimes those thoughts cause me to spin into some downward spirals. When this happens I feel ill-equipped to travel the road that I am called to walk.
Discouragement and fear can and will undercut our calling. Tonight, in this moment, in this writing, I am choosing to own where I am at. I am owning that I am who I am – not in a defeated way, but in a realistic way. I am not perfect. I have tendencies towards downward spirals. I also have tendencies towards big ideas and idealistic pictures of what is ahead. I possess an optimism that things can be as they should be. I believe that there is a good, whole and right that we can live by and into. This is who I am.
And I am starting where I am.
So I simply invite you to not allow the pain/fear/doubt/worry/(your word of choice here) stop you from starting down the path you are called to walk. We are all a bit sideways from time to time. We all stumble, fall and are stopped dead in our tracks. But that is not the end of our story. Even when your belief tank is not full, there is hope to be had.
One of my favorite moments in all the Bible comes from Mark 9:24 – a father talking to Jesus says, “I believe, but help me with my unbelief”. And Jesus responded and healed his son. Jesus can and will respond to prayers of desperation and surrender. He will meet us in that place.
That is my prayer right now.
God, I believe, but help fill in the gaps of my unbelief. Amen
I invite you to do the same.
Moving towards OneWholeLife,